Thoughts: Bread

Once upon a time, everything used to be homemade and everyone could make everything, then came a time where everything started to be commercialized because men got smarter and figured out how to mass produce to make a profit and then men got greedy and started added preservatives to increase production and make their products last longer on the shelves. I gotta admit, it's a lot easier in terms of money and time to buy a loaf of bread off the shelves. And should a household have limited members of family, then making a whole loaf of bread with no one to consume would just lead to wastage costing more money. I would make it except when it comes to bake, I have really lousy skills, plus the whole idea of needing to make it from scratch just seems so time consuming and troublesome. I still wouldn't attempt to make a loaf of bread from scratch, however if I have a machine that could make it provided I dump all the ingredients in, I wouldn't hesitate to buy it. If it was not for social media, I would still continue to opt for commercially made bread made like Gardenia or Massimo. But a good couple sharing is good enough to freak me out and cause some paranoia to me about bread. Someone once shared that they left the bread for a whole month and despite the expiry says 5 days after the date it was bought, there was not a single mold on the bread. Now that freaked the crap outta me that I decided to try for myself to see. Indeed, two weeks long, not a single thing could grow on the bread and the typically freshly baked bread could ONLY last for 3 days. Imagine 2 WEEKS to 3 DAYS. Imagine the horror to my discovery, sick to my stomach knowing I fed my child bread that has THAT much amount of preservatives. And that was the end of the commercialized bread I've ever bought unless I was desperate for bread. But rarely do I give into buying commercialize bread. I made a vow from then on that I would only buy freshly bake bread from bakery store. It was either freshly baked bakery store bread or no bread at all. I even brain washed my in laws into giving up commercialize bread!

What's the point if it's cheap but comes with lousy quality or no quality that could contribute to cancer? I'd rather pay more for more quality and healthier option. I started looking around, trying freshly baked bread from a couple bakeries. There were some really good ones and some so so and some bakeries that has added preservatives too. One fine day I came across a bakery store called Freemori and decided to give it a try. And boy, did they win the first spot in my list. They have a variety of bread like wholemeal, white, chocolate flavored, sesame flavored, marbled flavored and a couple more other flavors and the best part is that their bread is just so so soft. One of the best I've had. I highly recommend to anyone who wishes to buy bread that's freshly baked. Give Freemori's bread a try. Priced at RM5.50 for wholemeal bread (8 slices) and RM4.50 for white bread (8 slices). Money worth paid for the quality I'm getting. I've been getting my bread from Freemori ever since. Although, a Gardenia whole meal bread cost RM3.20 for about 10-12 slices, while a freshly baked bread would cost around RM5 for 8 slices, it's all about quality and healthier lifestyle in today's world where cancer rates have been increasing primarily due to an aging population and lifestyle changes in the developing world. People are more vary of cancer and people are opting for a healthier lifestyle. While quality lifestyle is such a bitch to the pocket, but for the sake of our health and beating cancer's ass, we're just gonna have to bite the bullet for paying more. Long term wise, it would be a lot beneficial. 

Freemori Cafe at Shah Alam

The inside of the store.

Wholemeal and White Milk bread

Thoughts: Adoration

Every parent out there adores their kid irregardless of how they look or how they are. Every imperfections of a baby or a kid that's visible to another parent or human being is every perfection to the parent of the baby or kid simply because we're overwhelmed by love, thus those imperfections are blinded by the love we feel. They become simply perfect in our eyes. This love can only be understood when you are right there at the spot, when one has stepped into parenthood. It's an amazing feeling. So speaking of adoring your own kids, I'm no different than others. I am one of those mom who adores the hell out of my kids. I know they're not the worlds cutest baby but they're adorable as hell in their very own way in my world and I love waking up to see these innocent smiling faces. 

Baby Cadence in blue ensemble

Spiky hair like her dad

One early morning

The kid eating his dinner like a boss. There's something about fries that kids love. He finished his fries but NONE of his fish. Cadence sucked on the broccoli and loves it. You can see how she's trying to reach for her brother's fries.

Thoughts: Positivity

"Happiness depends to some extent upon external conditions, but chiefly upon mental attitudes. Essentially, conditions are neither good nor bad; they are always neutral, seeming to be either depressing or encouraging because of the sad or bright attitude of the mind of the individual concerned with them."

Why so? My entire life growing up, I've always felt like a very negative person. Whenever something crappy happens, my negativity will soar above the sky making me feel even more negative about the situation. Not to mention my negativity has often played games with my mind that sometimes it does affect my self esteem. It's a lot easier to be negative than to be positive because positivity just takes that much more effort off a person. While I know this isn't healthy but old habits die hard. I've always admired a friend of mine that's very positive in life. I gotta say she's one of the most positive person I know and I like what I see and hear. Could it be her faith in God that contributes to her positivity in life? Is it? I don't know. I would assume so and I would like to believe so. :) I'm truly inspired by her positivity in life and I've always wanted that positive energy she gives out. While I don't have that kind of faith in God like she has, whatever it is, I believe positivity stems from within, from the mind and effort. I for one would like to move towards having a bit more positivity in life. Already there's just so so much negativity in life and around the world, a little positivity wouldn't kill and in fact it can be good and it could run a long way. I wouldn't want to go home and channel all the negativity aura to my kids, especially when the negativity within affects our actions and expressions we show whether we realize it or not.

One of the nights, my hubby was going to pick his dad up to get his car from elsewhere, seeing that he would be going over, I told him to take a box of Expressed Breast Milk over for his mother to be stored in their freezer as my own freezer was running out of place. The next morning, he took out that box of milk from the car and told me he has forgotten to pass it as the box was placed at the back seat of the car. I let out a long 'Noooo'. Clearly, I was very upset because by then half of the EBM was already defrosted and I can no longer put it back in the freezer and that would mean, 13 packets of 5 ounces of EBM is going to waste, getting thrown away. I couldn't utilize it because I know my mother in law would've taken out 4 packets the night before for the day. While the expressed breast milk is free but BECAUSE it is free that the pain I felt was even more intense, more agonizing, it is indescribable. I felt like crying. It basically feels like I got stab in the heart because of all the effort I put in to express, all the midnight 2-3 AM in the morning pumping session, my 3 days worth of supply was gone just like that. If I have to pay for milk, I probably wouldn't feel so bad because I could purchase it. Already I had to throw away 8 packets of EBM earlier because of the antibiotic I took that cause the episode of Cadence's rash and now this. Obviously, my hubby apologized for it. I knew he felt really bad. I couldn't get angry at him even though I was upset but I knew it was an honest mistake, a mistake I knew nobody wants to make. My face was so sulky, I couldn't hide it. I had all sorts of thoughts. I thought for a moment my whole day was going to be ruin, and I wanted it to remain that way, sulky till the end of day. I thought nobody cared about all the effort I took to express my milk, the extra hours I put in to make sure I have enough of stocks to last no matter how tiring it was to wake up in the middle of the night to pump. I had to take another box of EBM over for my MIL to keep, that added to the pain simply because I had to take another box over when the box I took out the night before went to waste. What made it worse was that, the second box I took out fell when I was taking a corner while I was on the way to drop the kids and the container broke. That added to my frustration, my volcano of emotions erupted in the car where the kids were present. Being a little OCD, my container to keep my EBM was THAT important. While on the way to work, I had to gain my composure and told myself what's done is done. I can't undo what has happened, all the more when I knew it was an honest mistake made by my hubby and how bad he must have felt. It's pointless to get angry at him when it was an honest mistake. It's pointless to turn his day into a lousy day as everyone would end up being sulky. I don't wanna be sulky the whole day long. I don't want to go back to see my kids in the evening with a sulky face and ruin everybody's mood. It will be pointless. So I just have to let it go and not think about it. And I just have to take extra effort to stock up again and I can always buy the container to store my EBM. So I thought of what to do with the milk. I figured I would make a milk bath for Cadence for those milk that has already fully defrosted and turn those still frozen EBM into home made breast milk ice cream. Upon reaching my office, my hubby texted me again to apologize, by then I was feeling much better not wanting to dwell in what just happened. And I'm glad I took the effort to not ruin his day and to forget what just happened and look forward. It paid off and it felt good. And I really hope it made a difference to him, I hope he was a little comforted. So I made the milk bath for Cadence and did the ice cream as planned though the ice cream sucks big time because of the weird lipase taste, I threw it all away.

The funny thing is I shared my story with breastfeeding moms and non-breastfeeding mom. The reaction I got was just so different! Clearly a non breastfeeding mom was not attuned to the kind of emotion I felt or could not comprehend the what the big deal was, and the reaction I got was just 'Oh ok.' whereas when I shared my story with breastfeeding moms, they all went 'Aaaaaahhhhh!!! What a waste or sayangnyaaaaaa' and I got a lot of suggestions on what I could do with the milk. The power of breastfeeding. It connects all the moms together.

That said, it doesn't mean changes happen in a day's time. Clearly, it's a trial and error process for me. There are days where I see myself being a little positive and there are days I revert to being very negative about everything. There are still days when one "bad" news happens after another that seems to paint the sky dark at that very moment in life, but it's important to remember that there's always light at the end of every tunnel you take. When the sea is calm, we must expect storms to hit and beyond the stormy seas, the calm sea lies ahead. And for every dark moments in life, nobody else can determine how to feel about it, how you look at it and how you react to it and how bad the situation is, BUT yourself. So it is entirely up to you whether to be positive or negative even though it might seem as if there's nothing to be positive about.

"Life is like a restless sea, full of wonders and always in a state of perpetual turmoil caused by the waves of events. No one is secure from the violent waves on the surface of this deep ocean. Pleasure and pain in this world, like positive and negative forces in nature, together perform their function everywhere. Opposed to joy and delight are grief and sadness and opposed to youth and vitality are old age and weakness. Everyone who is alive must bear the burden of affliction and suffering. Everyone who sets out on this sea is bound to be drenched by its waters and encounter in the course of his life a series of unpleasant and painful events: failure, privation, the death of dear ones and many other afflictions of the kind. Who is it that has remained unscathed by the arrows of time and secure from the tempests of events? The type of hardships and calamities, it is true, is different in every age, but the universal principle of hardship and suffering is intertwined with man's life in all its stages"

The box of 65oz milk I had to say buhbye to.

Cadence in her milk bath

The earlier 40 oz milk tainted with antibiotic which I had to throw away.

Thoughts: Movies Post Children Era

I'm a real sucker for freebies or contests. When I was child free, I used to love to look up The Star online for freebies especially movie tickets. My hubby and I was so up-to-date with movies. That was one of our main activity during our dating years which we really enjoyed. So much so that we would usually catch new movies as soon as we can, upon the movie release. Like on that day itself or within that week itself. Now that I have two kids, gone are the days where I have the time to watch movies. I'm not even gonna talk about sitcoms and drama series. All I get is 3-5 minutes long little clips on Facebook. I have not visited the cinema in more than 2 years. Do I miss it? Heck yeah but parenthood requires a little sacrifice, this was one of it I was willing to let go as I could still download movies and watch from the laptop. Perhaps once my kids are all grown up and can understand the concept of going to the cinemas, I know I will be visiting it together with them. It's not all that bad, I have to tell myself that. For a full time working mom, quality time with my kids are much more important. As of now, how do I catch my movies? I browse through '2013 in film' on Wikipedia on movies that I want to watch, search for the torrent and open up my P2P and start downloading. Then we watch movies on the laptop on the bed once the kids are asleep, tucked in between them. THAT is if I can find the time to sit down and watch and MORE importantly, to keep my eyes open past 10pm or 1030pm. Taking care of my baby means having to get up at odd hours makes it really tiring. I can feel weight on my eyes when the clock has hit a certain hours which means its time for my body to get the rest it needs for the following day. However, as Cadence starts to grow and it gets a little easier during the night time, I know pretty soon I'll get that tiny little freedom for movies at home with the hubs after the kids' bedtime, tucked in between the two babies with our earphones plugged and laptop on the lap with frequent interruptions from the kids. And eventually, go back to be one of the suckers for free movie tickets redemption. So to those that still does not have kids, PLEASE, go watch ALL the movies you can.

The kinda things I really miss doing, looking at movie tickets redemption on The Star newspaper and going for it. :)

Thoughts: Out of Sight, Out of Mind

I've not met anyone that has prove me that the above does not apply to them. The fact is, it's true to the majority or at least to a good number of people out there. As 'sad' as it is, it is what it is. That is the norm. But can you blame them? People often get too occupied in life with work, family, church, exercise or living a healthy life that sometimes people just look past keeping in touch with friends and families. It is definitely much easier to stay connected to people that are physically closer as one takes the effort more to have companionship be it for an agenda or merely to have that people touch in life, nobody likes to be lonely. Even then, with a distance such as a phone call away, still if out of sight, it definitely will be out of mind for a lot of people. I'm guilty as charged as well but having two kids means I'm now a social pariah. Wait, maybe having kids is just my excuse. Matter of factly, all along I've been a social pariah that my number of friends once again is countable with just one hand. I'm definitely not a good acquaintance as a social retard like myself likes to avoid the awkward moments when I run out of topic, not even topic, small talks to talk about if I find myself not comfortable enough or not being able to 'click'. I've been told countless of times I keep diamonds in my mouth. While I may not be good at making new friends, the few friends I have are the friends I consider friends for life as these are the friends I made in my younger years. In my eyes, it's much easier to make friends during childhood times as oppose to adulthood. Children are innocent that way while as adults we over analyze everything. We have to, given the sorta creative judgement or crime people keep coming up with. Going back to topic, I myself have had my fair shares of keeping out of touch with people who are out of my sight. My grandmother is one of them. I always tell myself I ought to visit her more often because I know how lonely she gets everyday. Every time I get a phone call from her, I'm always overridden with guilt, feeling so bad for not visiting her. So that's my guilty as charge case. But in my defense, I've also put in some effort to those who are dear to me. The thing with me is that when I put in some effort to be in touch with old pals or families but I don't receive the same kinda effort, my esteem suffers a pretty big blow thinking I'm probably not as important to them as they are to me, thus I slowly seep into the withdrawal state whereby I stop trying. That doesn't make me stop thinking of the people that matters to me. I think about them all the time, I just stop my efforts because I feel a tiny wee bit unappreciated and I feel really small in their world. What's worse is that some people only call when they need a favor from me! That irks me but I usually turn a blind eye to it, giving people the benefit of the doubt. It does make me sad for not receiving the kinda same efforts but reiterating, I understand that as time pass, people get really occupied with families, work, activities and agenda of their own life. Just like me, with two kids around, it seems like there's barely time for anything. While I try to be understanding about everyone being busy living their own life, on the contrary, not having time is also an excuse. There's always time for something or someone when I or you takes the effort to make the time. 😊